A Look At football by 21-12-2012

We have all wondered how the footballing world will be next year/ season, haven’t we? So…The Football Asylum have compiled an article on how the footballing world is going to look like on the 21st of December 2012, more famously known as dooms day and there is chaos through out the world of football thanks to a massive false alarm(If you thought it was because of city, you are RIGHT  ). And yes, This article has been written just for fun and the TFA would like to assure its readers that there is no disrespect to any of the Footballers/Managers/Owners,etc mentioned in this article.

Roberto Mancini

The Italian received a lengthy lecture from Sheikh Mansour for not spending a Penny on transfers during December. The Italian also received a Cheque of around £150 million and it was to spend on new transfer as it was doomsday. Mansour ordered the City boss to sign at least 5 players out of which 3 should be Central Defensive Midfielders in order to have “DEPTH” in the midfield. One thing the Sheikh failed to understand was that he had mistaken “Doomsday” with “Transfer Deadline Day”. He also claimed that City will be Doomed on this day as they have not signed any one (Massive club, small mentality). Meanwhile Sepp Blatter is about to charge City for trying to breach the FFP guidelines but instead City shower Blatter with cash and racially abuse Blatter, shockingly Blatter just shakes hands with City and goes away! What Mansour hasn’t realized is that, his Doomsday-Deadline Day confusion has caused a BIG problem through out the footballing world.

Carloz Tevez

With the “Deadline Day” looming large, Man City look set to offload (Yawn, the lousy rumors)the Argentine as he has made the Bench(Aaah, nothing has changed) his permanent place this season. The Deadline day chaos resulted in big clubs like AC Milan, Inter Milan and Barcelona are in talks with the Massive club (City) over the signing of Tevez on LOAN (Everyone sign Carlito on loan, don’t they?). But Tevez has made it clear to all the clubs that it would take a record amount of money to sign him from the bench and has also claimed he will NEVER return to the bench again if he leaves it (Dejavu huh Carloz?).

 Robin van Persie

The flying Dutchman is still the heart of the Arsenal starting XI and has scored the most number of goals for Arsenal. But according to Arsene Wenger’s secret meeting with Boro Primorac, Persie is suffering from a terrible back ache (Poor Persie, injuries keep following him) and he is suspected to be suffering from a Slip Disc, but the actual reason behind the terrible back pain is “Carrying Arsenal on his shoulder for over a season and a half” (Typical Persie, Captain Van Tastic!). Now, Arsene is reportedly looking to finish the signing of a 6 year old kid namedPiyush Nathani from the Super Soccer School, who has been named as a Potential replacement for the Flying Dutchman and thanks to the Deadline day chaos, They sign they agree terms with the kid for £1 million even though they haven’t seen him play (the same was with United and Bebe!).

Ouch! I hurt my back

 Anzhi Makhachkala

It was just another day for the Russian outfit until they realized that it was dooms day. Thanks to their spies at Manchester City, they were forced to believe that Doomsday was indeed “Transfer Deadline Day” and they start bidding for EVERY possible player (Typical Anzhi) and offer them a bikini model(Players rather, from FC Rossiyanka). They place a bid for Xavi, Iniesta, Messi, Villa and in fact the whole Barcelona squad but end up agreeing terms with two of the best players in the World, Heskey and Bramble. Roberto Carlos went on to describe this move as a “LEGENDARY MOMENT” in the history of the Russian club! While training with the Russian out fit, Heskey realizes that he is not in form (Woaah..thats unusual) after scoring a goal(Thats unusual again! ). Heskey immediately gets into action by placing a jaw dropping bid of around 20 Million Heskey Pounds for Fernando Torres’ brilliant open goal missing abilities but Torres issues a statement saying he is DISGUSTED with the offer Heskey has made and also states he has no intentions in parting with his BEST ABILITY!

Clash of the titans!

Roman Abramovich

According to agent Oiram Illetolab, there were a LOT of surprises awaiting the media at Cobham and obviously, It was a part of Roman and his Antics. And this time he has done something which has surprised everyone, from the Queen to the FA and everyone seemed happy about it(No, he hasn’t decided to sell the club )! This time, Roman has decided to back the manager (André Villas-Boas hopefully) instead of sacking him (I still find it really SURPRISING…). Fortunately for us, Roman hasnt mistaken Doomsday as deadline day like the other big money spenders, but has transfer listed Torres just in case!

Why isn’t any one bidding for Torres?

Fernando Torres

The Spaniard has again missed an Open Goal (Lousy goal post, why you so small?)and it has been labelled as the worst miss of season (The previous award was given to Fernando too). We met Alan, the man who got his face smashed because of the stray shot and surprisingly, he hasn’t blamed Fernando for face getting smashed incident. In fact, he claimed to be solely responsible for getting injured as the Stadium officials had warned him from sitting behind the goal posts as Fernando Torres was playing(Lousy football)! Reports suggested that Torres has been transfer listed in order to be sold, and Malouda has been used a bait but still there were no takers, After a complete failure of the  Torres Transfer, Chelsea issue a statement saying those were mere “Reports”. At the end of the day, Torres is a busy man as he rejects bid after bid, but the bids weren’t for him but for his open goal missing abilities!

Sneijder Saga

It wasn’t just the Money bags of football, but most of the English media too believed that it was indeed the “Transfer Deadline Day” thanks to the Sheikh Mansour goof up. As soon as they find out that it is “Deadline day”, they start doing what they are best known for, restarting the Sneijder Saga! 5 minutes after realization, a report saying Utd have placed a bid of  £40 million for Sneijder and 20 minutes later, a report saying Utd have captured Sneijder for £50 million was released. 5 minutes after it was released, a GENIUS realized it wasn’t deadline day after all (Crappy English media)!

YUS!!!! The crappy media got TROLLED again!

Steven Gerrard

The Deadline day chaos has caused problems at Liverpool too and this time, their inspirational captain, Steven Gerrard is the victim. It was reported by the Media (Yes, the very same crappy media) that Liverpool have signed Eden hazard (FINALLY!). The Legendary number 8 wastes no time and immediately labels the Belgian as “Liverpool’s answer to Maradona” and again says “We will win it next year!”.

-

Liverpool trying to swoop in on Hazard!